Supplies
∞
Still Alive-ish
100
Confidence
0
Goon State
Engagement: 0
Clearance
APPROVED
CLICK TO RESUME THE PROBLEM
WASD move · mouse look · click shoot · E use doors & suspicious walls · 123 weapons · Esc pause
FIRE
USE
WPN
II
ROTATE PHONE — MANDATED BY MIDDLE MANAGEMENT
GOON
Orientation Day
You are The New Goon. Entry-level Engagement Enforcer.
No judgment. No training. One more room.
THE GOONWORKS™ — ENGAGEMENT IS NOT A CHOICE
desktop: keyboard + mouse · phone: thumbs, regrettably
Bad Idea Level
How locked in are you prepared to become?
Dumb Stuff

WHAT IS THIS

GOON is an original comedy parody of the cultural memory of early-90s demon shooters, and of the modern internet meaning of the word "goon." You are trapped in a compulsive reward loop. Every glowing pickup makes you stronger, dumber, and more doomed.

EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK

Move fast. Shoot goons. Grab glowing dumb stuff. Find your Lanyard, your Badge of Concern, and your Banana Clearance. Suspicious walls respond to E. Manage your GOON STATE — power has consequences.

LEGAL

All monsters, weapons, sounds, textures and jokes are original. Any resemblance to your actual workplace is a matter for HR, who have already been notified.
Paused, Somehow
The Goonworks continues without you. It always does.
The Goon Has Fallen
HR has been notified.
Orientation Complete
You escaped through the Employee Exit Portal. There is no outside. See you Monday.